Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
