Nicole vs. Life
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
