He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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