that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
