I wanna passion pit in your ass
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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