take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
