I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
