so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
