DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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