I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
