I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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