Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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