I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
