My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
