I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
