I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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