I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
