too bad you live with your parents still
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
