True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
