Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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