i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
