my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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