All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We need to rekindle our bromance
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
