What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
