I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
