I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
