Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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