you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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