even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
