I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
