My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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