I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
