I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
