He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
