if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
