What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
