my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
