i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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