Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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