ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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