U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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