It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
