first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need to calm my uterus...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
