I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
