I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
