And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
