Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
