Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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