She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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