I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
