It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
